By Taylor Ciallella
As I sit on a plane coming back from LA, I begin to read a blog I started writing in 2011. It was called “when is the best time to reach for your dreams?" It was about this exact time, 5 years ago. Funny how things change, but absolutely hilarious how things don’t.
Through my yoga journey I have heard over and over and over again how important it is to journal. If you write it out, it’s real. You felt it, and it is in writing- you don’t take that back, you can’t. I never understood the benefit of it because I didn’t do it. I never journaled… even when I said I did, I didn’t. Even when people told me it was going to help me find my way, figure out why I was stuck, or sad. I never did.
Now that I am reading this, I don’t think I'll ever stop!
I am literally laughing out loud here on the plane after a few cocktails ( bumpy first ride), looking back to see how I am in a similar place to where I was 5 years ago, with so much more knowledge, and so much more experience. My first blog entry back then was “take the risk” I talk about how I want more- I was single at the time and wanted to do something daring and different. I wanted to move away, I wanted people to be inspired by my risk taking, and I wanted to share it with the world.
Here I am. 5 years later. single. motivated. powerful, successful, and filled with self love- wanting those same things I did when I was 23 years old. This is me. I want more; the risk-taker has never left me. The difference now is I am turning “should” into “must”. It was all talk before, but I don’t have enough time to not turn my dreams and wants into reality. I know what I want, so why not go for it? I got to a place where fear is not a good enough excuse. I took a yoga class the other week and heard “you are a product of your own work”. YUP!, there it is. I am, I certainly am. I can only give myself what I want, no one else can. I am 28 years old and I can do anything. I have a choice, I have the courage.
This all came about a month ago. I sat with Cheryl (studio owner of Anjali) for lunch and we talked, and talked, and talked. Cheryl has known me my whole life. She also knew I had recently gone through loss, hardship, and a big change. She looked at me and said how are you Taylor, really how are you? I looked back at her with tears in my eyes. and said OK, I really am more than OK. I cried and looked at her and said “I feel like i can do anything”. And it was in that very moment when I realized that I really can. (and now cheryl doesn’t stop reminding me ;))
And since that day at lunch I have this ease over me. I am beaming, dreaming, smiling, wishing, and thinking about so so much. The opportunity is endless.
The best thing about all of this is realizing that only I got to this space in my life because of the work that I put in, and it sure as hell was not easy. I credit so much of this to my yoga practice, and my yoga teaching practice. It was the work on my mat, and off my mat. It was the days that I didn’t want to teach a class because i didn’t feel powerful enough but showed up anyway, and it was the days when i just laid on my mat and cried. It was the days that I came into class and allowed myself to be so vulnerable. And it was the days that my students would give me a hug and say “thank you”. I let myself feel, and sometimes I didn’t, but then I did. It was never pretty, or perfect. It was messy. really messy, and it will continue to be, but i will always be mindful of allowing myself to feel, and putting in the work knowing that the end result, will be OK. or in my case today, more than ok.
As much as I credit yoga and the community (y’all know you who you are). I credit all those who love me unconditionally. I have the most incredible support system anyone could ask for. I am lucky to also say that the 5 closest people to me (mom, dad, 3 sisters) are not only my blood but also my yoga community. To be able to share our love of yoga with each other is so extremely powerful and has made our relationships closer than ever.
Thank you yoga, because of you- I can do anything!